I look around. My house is such a mess.
And when do I get to go through my closet and change over to my Spring/Summer clothes? Actually, now that I think about it, do I really want to do that? It will only reinforce all the clothes that don't fit and have to be put aside "until they do" and take up space...
Will I ever truly be "clutter-free"? EVER?
Will there ever be one corner of my home that is not "unfinished" in some form or another?
Can't I just go into debt and have a full-time housekeeper and cook? And would that actually HELP?
I really don't know the answers to any of these (albeit First World) problems.
I try to look around at the mess and be GRATEFUL. Yes, grateful. I have this mess.
It's my mess (well, not really, but apparently it is mine to clean up).
It is a good mess. It is thorough. It is real. It can hurt you. (trip on toys much?) It has taken on its own identity: MESS
MESS will overtake the whole house if you allow it. Sometimes I just do... I say "fuck it - have at me MESS." You can have the living room. You can have the kitchen and the bedrooms and the bathroom too! Just take them all.
Is this the way I look at myself, I wonder. I do know that I'll treat myself poorly when I am in a particularly "bad place". That's what my husband likes to call it. He'll say "let's not talk about this right now because you are in a really bad place." or he'll remark "I can't think about that now because I'm in a bad place.")
Is my home a "bad place" when the mess is allowed to take over? I don't think so. I have found myself to be quite full of joy and contentment when my house seems to reflect quite the opposite. I might be treating MYSELF better at these times than my house.
Maybe it is just prioritizing. Self-care is not inclusive of my house, is it? Something has got to give...
There is certainly no mistaking that MESS is LIFE. MESS needs us. MESS knows that we LIVE here. MESS is proof.
Do we actually need MESS? Is it serving us somehow to have it? Does it foster our "aliveness"?
The reality is that if the mess was gone, that would mean I cleaned it up.
It takes TIME to clean up MESS. MESS is a time sucker. Is it worth the time to clean up the mess if it will just be there all over again tomorrow or the next day or the next week?
We do it you know. We keep cleaning up our messes and they only return to make us clean them up all over again.
MESS is alive. MESS will not let us forget it.