The obvious thing to start helping myself was to ask for help. That is the hardest part of all. You know it is the beginning of something. You know it is the beginning of CARING about yourself enough to ask. You know that it means you will be working at something, toward something and that it will no longer be easy to ignore a problem. Most of all, you know you just don't want to fail.
Today I began by actually having that conversation - with someone else, and by doing so, with myself. That is the start. It is the start to another winding, yet straightforward journey - the one that begins today with that conversation, with not only looking at myself, but SEEING myself. Seeing how I've neglected myself both physically and mentally. Seeing how I've allowed myself to be consumed by others and by the vortex of everyday life. Seeing how much I allowed myself not to care, to become indifferent and sometimes even downright lackadaisical about life itself. Seeing how I was selective in my gratefulness. Seeing my faults - all lined up and all sloppy and dirty and flapping, dripping in the wind that stirred all around me as I just went on without seeing...
As I was reminded today: "it isn't just about food."
I am listening. I am seeing.
I have some trepidation and fear about this beginning. I won't give it too much attention because it will not be helpful or aid me in moving forward. What will help is taking that first step - the most important one. And I did that already. So I'm moving on to the next step.
Thanks for checking in. xo