I find myself in a familiar predicament, but for reasons I never would have predicted.
I have again fallen off the food wagon -- that is to say: I am heavy-set again. I won't use the more derogatory words towards myself. Heavy-set is acceptable -- I mean I do look like a football player and that's not all bad. This is due to all the muscle tone I have hiding under the extra stuff. You think I jest, but it's the truth. I worked hard to get all that hard stuff before the surprise came. I was one size away from my ideal size - and weighed a goodly amount for my 5'2" frame and you wouldn't have guessed it based on my size. Lots of healthy muscle under there just waiting to burn through... You see, I've been here before. A few times. This time it is because, well, I had another baby a few years ago. It was not so much having the baby and gaining the weight back (and back, and back and back), as much as it was just letting myself get lost in the shuffle and giving myself completely over to another little human's world. And I was spoiled and thought that it would NEVER happen again (haha) - I wouldn't get any bigger. I was actually in better shape a few weeks after giving birth than I am now 3+ years later -- sure it's been a long haul with challenges of all kinds and I'm no Spring chicken so it is all feeling a bit more uphill than it ever was...
So it was easy to just grab and go those types of meals or snacks. Even if they weren't particularly UNhealthy, they weren't particularly giving me what I needed - and I didn't care. Until now. Now I do care and I need help. So I am asking for it and will be beginning a new cycle of healthiness in the next week that will again bring ME back.
Yes, I know I am still ME. I am just not the best ME that I can be. I know what that feels like and it doesn't feel like THIS me. I need more energy and I need more gusto - that is what I am about. I am overall, just tired. Of course I am. I am pushing my late forties and have a 3 1/2 year old, but I want to keep up - and I want to be around for a while. And it's been a long-ass Winter too. So here I am - asking for help and about to get it. Sometimes that is the scariest part of all. Having someone to help - be accountable to.
I'll update once I begin my "new way" (again). Wish me luck. And thanks for being here. xo